I feel officially done with student teaching though I am only unofficially finished. On Monday, May 7, I had my final evaluation with my cooperating teacher and my university supervisor. I received very positive comments from both, which was uplifting for me.
On Wednesday, May 9, I was observed by the head of the English department, and thus I taught my last complete lesson that day. The observation and follow-up went well. I was able to schedule an interview with the principal and the department head for next Thursday.
Yesterday, May 11, Katie, Joe, and I went to the beach for a lovely day off to celebrate the end of student teaching. Today, May 12, we're having a get-together/shin-dig/barbecue to celebrate with our fellow student teachers and our friends.
I almost don't know what to do with myself not having any papers to grade or lesson plans to create. Not that I want more. But now, I've got time to think, and that's probably not good. But I need this time to think.
It makes me sad when I look back at the last year and almost two months. These thoughts are not regrets. The decisions that I've made have made me the independent woman that I am, and I do like myself. I wish I had been less naive though. I'd never considered myself a naive person (I guess that should have been my first clue), but in retrospect I see very clearly that I was.
In thinking about this time of my life, as I explained to Joe yesterday, I said, "I took a sabbatical from my close relationship with Jesus." That does make me regretful. I know that I've been forgiven for it, yet the consequences don't stop. I think that as I move to another stage of my life, though, I've learned many lessons that will help make different decisions for the future.
1. There are worse things that being single. Yes, I would like to be with someone; however, I need to find the right man to be with. Unfortunately, I've fallen in love with guys who were not right for me, or in one specific case, I allowed myself to find comfort in someone who was not right for me and whom I was not in love with.
2. I need to be open to the man who is right for me and not dwell in the past so much. The guys I have dated before either do not love me anymore or do not want to be with me anymore. Until then, I have a wonderful family and friends to spend time with. Next year, I will have students to shower my love and attention on.
3. I need to realize that even though I still care about the guys that I have dated, I don't need to always have updates on them. I need to move on, and they do as well. Yes, they have lied to me, and I've lied to myself.
4. I need to truly forgive the people I've not. Resentment only hurts me, and I don't deserve that.
5. I need to forgive myself for not having the perfect plan and having it already worked out. I am a fun person, and I've become an energetic teacher, and in my own way, I've made a difference to the students this year. I have a lot of room for improvement as well and I need time to become an even better teacher for my students before I have to reevaluate priorities.
Writing for me is a cathartic act. When I started this post, I felt down and slightly depressed. There is no reason for that. I've had real reasons to be depressed for. This is a happy time in my life. My college graduation is one week and one day away. Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and my Mama is happy and healthy and always so wonderful to me. One week and six days is my 21st birthday, and two weeks from today, I'll get to spend time with my best friends from home. And most importantly, my relationship with Jesus is back. He's stayed with me so much throughout all of the trials of my life and all of my bad decisions.
My journey of teaching has brought me many places that I never saw coming -- already and the full-time has not even started. I began the semester as a college student, and I've finished it as an adult - as a teacher. Where will the future take me?
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
So you still want to be a teacher?
I'd been feeling pretty good today. My final evaluation with Mrs. Flowe and Marci went very well. Our lessons went well. I know what I'm going to do when Mary comes to observe me. On the way out the door today after the faculty meeting, Wallace, another English teacher, asked me, "So you still want to be a teacher?"
I responded with a smile, and "I think so."
Then, in the car on the way home, I told Katie, "I definitely told him the wrong thing. I should have said "Hell yes, I still want to be a teacher." And this is why I know...
At the end of fifth period, Maryanne quietly came up to me and said, "Ms. Owen, can I talk to you after school?" I replied, "Of course, let me give Greg his papers." Once I came back to her, she said, "Ms. Owen, you know what you wrote me on my papers, that you understand? I really need to talk to someone who does understand."
As she started to cry and before she said anything else, thoughts started flooding into my head from four years ago. An intelligent young woman trying to finish high school while trying to deal with the fact that her father is terminally ill from cancer. To differentiate my story from Maryanne's, my relationship with my Daddy was much better than hers with an absent for the last seven year's father who has been abusive toward his family.
I sat down and as her tears gained in intensity, I gave her a hug. What do you say in a time like this, when words aren't good enough?
When Marci realized what was happening, she came over as well. As I listened to Maryanne, I realized that I had changed roles -- now I'm the one trying to comfort and give support where there really is no advice other than Mama's "keep on keepin' on."
We listened and sympathized. "It does suck. It's not fair that you should be dealing with this." This being handling a terminally ill father when your sister is angry and won't come, when your mom discourages you from going, when you can't tell your friends because they don't understand, when you can't tell your mom because you afraid of making her more angry, when you can't go to church because you feel like God's given you too much to handle, when you feel like no one understands at all.
Our final advice was to talk to her minister. He can help you and give advice in ways better than us.
I finally got her to laugh a little bit in between her tears. When she left, and I was able to get home, mine started.
Oh Lord, give Maryanne strength for her struggles and help her realize that this time in her life is one of the footprints times when there is only one set because now You are carrying her.
So, yes, Wallace, I still want to be a teacher because today I've made a difference for Maryanne. My nights of responding for journals and sometimes (more than often) asking myself why I do this when I keep finding Alex's in the trashcan or left in a desk. Maybe the question should be returned to Wallace, "Do you still want to be a teacher?"
I responded with a smile, and "I think so."
Then, in the car on the way home, I told Katie, "I definitely told him the wrong thing. I should have said "Hell yes, I still want to be a teacher." And this is why I know...
At the end of fifth period, Maryanne quietly came up to me and said, "Ms. Owen, can I talk to you after school?" I replied, "Of course, let me give Greg his papers." Once I came back to her, she said, "Ms. Owen, you know what you wrote me on my papers, that you understand? I really need to talk to someone who does understand."
As she started to cry and before she said anything else, thoughts started flooding into my head from four years ago. An intelligent young woman trying to finish high school while trying to deal with the fact that her father is terminally ill from cancer. To differentiate my story from Maryanne's, my relationship with my Daddy was much better than hers with an absent for the last seven year's father who has been abusive toward his family.
I sat down and as her tears gained in intensity, I gave her a hug. What do you say in a time like this, when words aren't good enough?
When Marci realized what was happening, she came over as well. As I listened to Maryanne, I realized that I had changed roles -- now I'm the one trying to comfort and give support where there really is no advice other than Mama's "keep on keepin' on."
We listened and sympathized. "It does suck. It's not fair that you should be dealing with this." This being handling a terminally ill father when your sister is angry and won't come, when your mom discourages you from going, when you can't tell your friends because they don't understand, when you can't tell your mom because you afraid of making her more angry, when you can't go to church because you feel like God's given you too much to handle, when you feel like no one understands at all.
Our final advice was to talk to her minister. He can help you and give advice in ways better than us.
I finally got her to laugh a little bit in between her tears. When she left, and I was able to get home, mine started.
Oh Lord, give Maryanne strength for her struggles and help her realize that this time in her life is one of the footprints times when there is only one set because now You are carrying her.
So, yes, Wallace, I still want to be a teacher because today I've made a difference for Maryanne. My nights of responding for journals and sometimes (more than often) asking myself why I do this when I keep finding Alex's in the trashcan or left in a desk. Maybe the question should be returned to Wallace, "Do you still want to be a teacher?"
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Contemplating Life after W&M
April 16, 2007
What began as a peaceful, yet energetic, day for me will no doubt be one of those days, I remember forever. My mom could tell me what she was doing the day JFK died or the day the Challenger exploded. I can tell you that I was the 6th grade computer classroom the day of the Columbine shootings, and I was in 10th grade biology when the WTC towers were struck, and I was student teaching in Room 221 when fourth period ended and eating lunch when I found about the tragedy at VT. Words cannot describe the thoughts going through my mind when I saw "Massacre at VT" scrolling on CNN. From numerous high school friends, an ex-boyfriend, and a cousin at VT, as well as my Dad an alum, I've always felt like a Baby Hokie. During planning in the afternoon, I watched as CNN told us more and felt that Tech was my school - not just a basketball rival in Blacksburg. Today I was especially glad that I didn't have a 6th period class. I spent some time worrying about my cousin and friends. I was glad my cell phone was in the car because I didn't want to know if I had bad news or not. When I got to the car, I saw my Mom called twice and my roommate and my best friend from home. I really did not want to return the calls because I was afraid of hearing news I didn't want to hear. Finally, almost back to the dorm, I returned the call to Mama and she told me she'd gotten in touch with my cousin, April, and she was okay. I spent the evening sympathizing with VT students.
7th period: The Internet is unavailable at Grafton, so Marci and I have the students read "The Base Stealer" as an opening poem. We got through all slides except "sonnet" information, but it was somewhat quicker than it needed to be.
4th period: Pace was slower, which caused faster writers to get off topic more, but the slower writers needed the information. My quiz will be Friday for 4th period and next Monday for 5th and 7th period because Friday is an activity period for 7th period.
Today was a faculty meeting about general information (student placements, tragedy at VT, Marzano strategies with mind mapping - which I really love, SOL dates, scheduling, etc.). Marci and I planned for 10th grade afterward. They'll have a research paper due before June 1. She only wants it to be 2-4 pages. While I believe that sounds good for grading 25 of them, I really think that is going to hurt the students because 2-4 pages is nothing. I really feel like I'm not in a place to say that though because I'll be gone before they are due.
April 17, 2007
Today, for some reason, I had an "off" day. I know my students did not see a difference, but I just felt off. I'm not sure if it's anxiety because of my anger about what happened at Tech or it's worrying about my observation tomorrow by Principal Guy, but either way, I'm ready for the weekend. I love teaching, but today on the way home, I wondered whether I'm cut out for this job or not. I miss spending evenings with my friends goofing out and not doing homework. Instead, I'm trying to sleep because I'm always so exhausted or I'm grading papers. This, I realize, is not always the case, but it's the kind of day I've had. I love my kids so much, and I would like to have them all again next year, but I find myself counting down until the end of student teaching. I don't want to wish my life away. I don't. I really want to teach next year at Grafton. I want it so much that I can taste it. I think this is why I'm considering if I'm cut out for teaching or not. I know I'm a good teacher, but I don't see myself anywhere else except Grafton right now. And the thought that I might not get the job - what I've worked for - scares the heck out of me. I knew I was getting into college as an UG. I could see the numbers - colleges would want me. I knew I'd get into graduate school. I don't know about this job. I know that I'll get something, and wherever I get is obviously where God wants me to be. Normally, that's enough for me, but now that push is coming to shove, I'm scared. No wonder I'm tired.
1st period: Some of my tenth graders are very immature. They seem to be stuck in the "only thinking about me" phase. I could really see a difference between mature and immature today during the channel 1 portion about VT. I took students to the computer lab, and Filamentality's website was down, so I had to copy sampler by hand to give to students.
7th period: Somewhat subdued due to yesterday's shooting at VT. Kris and T.J. M. asked me to turn on the press conference. I'm glad we were doing the webquest, so the students could multi-task and see it. Most of the students got 3/4 of the way through Romantic Art, so they'll be able to finish tomorrow. I've gotten good questions thus far on the webquest. I love how comfortable my students are with technology, and I'm also proud of them for the maturity and concern they've shown about the tragedy at VT.
5th period: Webquest went VERY WELL! Students worked all period (even the ones that normally sleep through class). I explained portfolios briefly. I'll explain more Thursday about it. I've had to use World Book and Wikipedia for articles about romanticism and romantic music because two of my websites are blocked from student logins.
What began as a peaceful, yet energetic, day for me will no doubt be one of those days, I remember forever. My mom could tell me what she was doing the day JFK died or the day the Challenger exploded. I can tell you that I was the 6th grade computer classroom the day of the Columbine shootings, and I was in 10th grade biology when the WTC towers were struck, and I was student teaching in Room 221 when fourth period ended and eating lunch when I found about the tragedy at VT. Words cannot describe the thoughts going through my mind when I saw "Massacre at VT" scrolling on CNN. From numerous high school friends, an ex-boyfriend, and a cousin at VT, as well as my Dad an alum, I've always felt like a Baby Hokie. During planning in the afternoon, I watched as CNN told us more and felt that Tech was my school - not just a basketball rival in Blacksburg. Today I was especially glad that I didn't have a 6th period class. I spent some time worrying about my cousin and friends. I was glad my cell phone was in the car because I didn't want to know if I had bad news or not. When I got to the car, I saw my Mom called twice and my roommate and my best friend from home. I really did not want to return the calls because I was afraid of hearing news I didn't want to hear. Finally, almost back to the dorm, I returned the call to Mama and she told me she'd gotten in touch with my cousin, April, and she was okay. I spent the evening sympathizing with VT students.
7th period: The Internet is unavailable at Grafton, so Marci and I have the students read "The Base Stealer" as an opening poem. We got through all slides except "sonnet" information, but it was somewhat quicker than it needed to be.
4th period: Pace was slower, which caused faster writers to get off topic more, but the slower writers needed the information. My quiz will be Friday for 4th period and next Monday for 5th and 7th period because Friday is an activity period for 7th period.
Today was a faculty meeting about general information (student placements, tragedy at VT, Marzano strategies with mind mapping - which I really love, SOL dates, scheduling, etc.). Marci and I planned for 10th grade afterward. They'll have a research paper due before June 1. She only wants it to be 2-4 pages. While I believe that sounds good for grading 25 of them, I really think that is going to hurt the students because 2-4 pages is nothing. I really feel like I'm not in a place to say that though because I'll be gone before they are due.
April 17, 2007
Today, for some reason, I had an "off" day. I know my students did not see a difference, but I just felt off. I'm not sure if it's anxiety because of my anger about what happened at Tech or it's worrying about my observation tomorrow by Principal Guy, but either way, I'm ready for the weekend. I love teaching, but today on the way home, I wondered whether I'm cut out for this job or not. I miss spending evenings with my friends goofing out and not doing homework. Instead, I'm trying to sleep because I'm always so exhausted or I'm grading papers. This, I realize, is not always the case, but it's the kind of day I've had. I love my kids so much, and I would like to have them all again next year, but I find myself counting down until the end of student teaching. I don't want to wish my life away. I don't. I really want to teach next year at Grafton. I want it so much that I can taste it. I think this is why I'm considering if I'm cut out for teaching or not. I know I'm a good teacher, but I don't see myself anywhere else except Grafton right now. And the thought that I might not get the job - what I've worked for - scares the heck out of me. I knew I was getting into college as an UG. I could see the numbers - colleges would want me. I knew I'd get into graduate school. I don't know about this job. I know that I'll get something, and wherever I get is obviously where God wants me to be. Normally, that's enough for me, but now that push is coming to shove, I'm scared. No wonder I'm tired.
1st period: Some of my tenth graders are very immature. They seem to be stuck in the "only thinking about me" phase. I could really see a difference between mature and immature today during the channel 1 portion about VT. I took students to the computer lab, and Filamentality's website was down, so I had to copy sampler by hand to give to students.
7th period: Somewhat subdued due to yesterday's shooting at VT. Kris and T.J. M. asked me to turn on the press conference. I'm glad we were doing the webquest, so the students could multi-task and see it. Most of the students got 3/4 of the way through Romantic Art, so they'll be able to finish tomorrow. I've gotten good questions thus far on the webquest. I love how comfortable my students are with technology, and I'm also proud of them for the maturity and concern they've shown about the tragedy at VT.
5th period: Webquest went VERY WELL! Students worked all period (even the ones that normally sleep through class). I explained portfolios briefly. I'll explain more Thursday about it. I've had to use World Book and Wikipedia for articles about romanticism and romantic music because two of my websites are blocked from student logins.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Spring Break Hangover
April 10, 2007
Back to the workplace...enough said? If not, I'll explain some more. This week felt so long each morning as I got up, got a shower, and got dressed in the dark while my roomie could keep sleeping. I loved getting to be a college student for a week, but now I'm missing it. Since this is the last part of my last semester, I'm trying to balance spending more time during the week with my friends and doing the activities that have made my W&M college experience amazing: working at the Rec Center and doing Phi Mu events are a couple; however, I also need sleep. Another aspect of this week is Marci's return. It's taking a little bit to get used to her back in the room because I had gotten used to it being "Ms. Owen's classroom" even though it was really only a week and a half.
7th period: We read 001 from Poetry180. I had students read their found poems aloud without writing them on the board. I also wasn't as clear with my expectations or directions regarding found poetry. Collectively, we deemed it "Spring Break Hangover." I still don't feel 100% better yet, so I think that my performance isn't up to its usual.
4th period: We read 001 from Poetry180. Marci suggested that I have students write their poems on the board and then write a found poem from the found poems. This instruction took much more class time than I had planned, so I couldn't get to all that I had planned on the informational materials with gas prices; however, I think that it was a good activity for the students, and I'm glad Marci was here to suggest it.
April 11, 2007
Today is the last day that grades may be turned in. They were due at noon. My grades were finished and in the computer before I walked out the door for Spring Break on Friday. Marci's however, some of them from before I started teaching in February, did not make it into the computer until this morning. I realize that we are all really busy, but this is really showing me not to get behind. All seventh period she stayed upstairs entering grades. Anthony dropped off a paper after 7th and asked if it could count, so I told him I'd check during lunch/duty/planning. I called her at 10am and asked; she said, "Sure," so I said I'd grade it and call her back. She said, "Why don't you come on up and give it to me and we can discuss comments." I hadn't eaten breakfast that day (running late, bad move for me, as I was feeling shaky). I told her that I wanted to grab some lunch first and would be up. When I got up there, she was in a terrible mood and told me "Do you know what time it is? Get your head on straight." I just sat there. I know that when Daddy was sick, I often jumped on people more (especially the people that I was closer to) but it's still really hard because I take everything to heart.
1st period: We were not able to discuss plagiarism. We need to do that later. Some of my 10th graders were too immature for the NewsHour clip, which was gone really well in 12th grade. Marci gave me a really good idea of having students bring poems to class. I'll bring one on Friday and students will begin bringing one a day on Tuesday.
7th period: I began with 002 from Poetry180 and then read "How Gas Prices Work" (15 minutes). We wrote a found poem keeping all sentences and then we wrote one "not about gas prices" using words from the article, which we wrote on the board. I'm really glad that Marci's back; however, I know I feel most comfortable when I'm teaching the students alone. One of my students, Chris, looks like something is wrong - sad, rough day, something.
5th period: Read 001 from Poetry180. I wanted to do gas prices article, but Marci said "No, keep 4th and 5th at the same point."
April 12, 2007
I think that Marci is somewhat annoyed by how much the students like me. She was discussing grades with me and said, "The seniors are going to love you. Only three of them failed." I was worried at first that my test had been too easy and the grades were somewhat inflated (I'm not completely sure that they are not.) I looked at how much they did though, and it drove me crazy, but I stayed on their backs until they did their work. It seems like the people who failed were those who did not do work. When we got to the tenth grade, she said "Yes!" and told me that more of the 10th graders did worse. I know she was teasing, but I'm glad that I won't have to do the grades at the end in her class again.
7th period: Read 003 from Poetry180. I think the "Mad Lib Poetry" was a good way to sneak in a grammar review; however, the class really needed an example before trying to create a poem. I got some really interesting found poems. Also, Marci wants my portfolio to have students creating more poetry (instead 1 of 5 kinds, she wants 3 of 5 kinds), summarizing author info and submitting sources, and giving lots of support for the reader response. On a slightly different note, I handled the Ashleigh infraction notice badly by not speaking to her before she had to go to the A.P. and she was pretty ticked off with me when she returned from the meeting. I guess I would have been angry as well. I only talked with Ankit because he asked about his grade on Friday before we got out for Spring Break. For the future, I need to make sure that the infraction notice does not come as a surprise to my students. Later in the day, she came and talked to me and she left not as angry as during class.
4th period: Read 003 from Poetry180. Chauntielle's having a rough day; she said her house was broken into last night and she didn't feel safe sleeping. They did the gas price article and created two found poems, and we talked about poetry portfolio and plagiarism. For homework, I gave them the plagiarism worksheet.
April 13, 2007
Today I had one of the experiences that make up for not being paid (at all now). Elizabeth looked at me after I gave her report card and said quietly. "Ms. Owen, will you stay the rest of the year?" "What?" I asked. "I've done so much better because I understand what's going on and you grade our papers. I really don't want you to leave." I know that when I think about my first class, it really won't be next year's class -- it'll be these kids.
1st period: We are still not able to discuss plagiarism. Next class, we'll complete the internet sampler. The students were WONDERFUL for Prof. Abdalla. They loved him and loved the show and tell. I'm so glad that I got him to come. I also gave him a Barnes and Noble gift card of $25 that I paid for myself. I really loved having people come in to show my students how much I think of them.
7th period: Read 004 from Poetry180. We discussed plagiarism, completed the worksheet, and I gave back the report cards during their worksheet (at 9:42). They were working quietly and asked if they could get them back. Class ends at 9:52. Marci came in at 9:46 or so, and she asked if I had given back their report cards. I said "Yes" and she replies, "I don't do that until the end of class." I replied, "Do you want me to take them up and hand them out again?" "No" and she walks out again. The students looked at her like she'd gone crazy. She later tells me, "They won't work after you hand out the grades or they want grade sheets, etc." The funny part of this I kept to myself. Today, the students kept working and only one asked for a grade sheet - at the end of class. Maybe it's all in how they are treated...
5th period: We had a pep rally for spirit week. Marci said not to start anything new. I wound up talking to the student I thought had been dipping in class. I told him that I was disappointed that he lied and I didn't appreciate it; however, I thought he'd learned his lesson. He replied "Yes, and Ms. Owen, I will NEVER do that in your class again. I got so sick by the time I got to the truck." That particular day, Marci had told me she thought it was gum (I disagreed) but it's her class. I was glad I didn't have to write him up, but I'm really glad that he learned his lesson. I think the students really respect me.
Back to the workplace...enough said? If not, I'll explain some more. This week felt so long each morning as I got up, got a shower, and got dressed in the dark while my roomie could keep sleeping. I loved getting to be a college student for a week, but now I'm missing it. Since this is the last part of my last semester, I'm trying to balance spending more time during the week with my friends and doing the activities that have made my W&M college experience amazing: working at the Rec Center and doing Phi Mu events are a couple; however, I also need sleep. Another aspect of this week is Marci's return. It's taking a little bit to get used to her back in the room because I had gotten used to it being "Ms. Owen's classroom" even though it was really only a week and a half.
7th period: We read 001 from Poetry180. I had students read their found poems aloud without writing them on the board. I also wasn't as clear with my expectations or directions regarding found poetry. Collectively, we deemed it "Spring Break Hangover." I still don't feel 100% better yet, so I think that my performance isn't up to its usual.
4th period: We read 001 from Poetry180. Marci suggested that I have students write their poems on the board and then write a found poem from the found poems. This instruction took much more class time than I had planned, so I couldn't get to all that I had planned on the informational materials with gas prices; however, I think that it was a good activity for the students, and I'm glad Marci was here to suggest it.
April 11, 2007
Today is the last day that grades may be turned in. They were due at noon. My grades were finished and in the computer before I walked out the door for Spring Break on Friday. Marci's however, some of them from before I started teaching in February, did not make it into the computer until this morning. I realize that we are all really busy, but this is really showing me not to get behind. All seventh period she stayed upstairs entering grades. Anthony dropped off a paper after 7th and asked if it could count, so I told him I'd check during lunch/duty/planning. I called her at 10am and asked; she said, "Sure," so I said I'd grade it and call her back. She said, "Why don't you come on up and give it to me and we can discuss comments." I hadn't eaten breakfast that day (running late, bad move for me, as I was feeling shaky). I told her that I wanted to grab some lunch first and would be up. When I got up there, she was in a terrible mood and told me "Do you know what time it is? Get your head on straight." I just sat there. I know that when Daddy was sick, I often jumped on people more (especially the people that I was closer to) but it's still really hard because I take everything to heart.
1st period: We were not able to discuss plagiarism. We need to do that later. Some of my 10th graders were too immature for the NewsHour clip, which was gone really well in 12th grade. Marci gave me a really good idea of having students bring poems to class. I'll bring one on Friday and students will begin bringing one a day on Tuesday.
7th period: I began with 002 from Poetry180 and then read "How Gas Prices Work" (15 minutes). We wrote a found poem keeping all sentences and then we wrote one "not about gas prices" using words from the article, which we wrote on the board. I'm really glad that Marci's back; however, I know I feel most comfortable when I'm teaching the students alone. One of my students, Chris, looks like something is wrong - sad, rough day, something.
5th period: Read 001 from Poetry180. I wanted to do gas prices article, but Marci said "No, keep 4th and 5th at the same point."
April 12, 2007
I think that Marci is somewhat annoyed by how much the students like me. She was discussing grades with me and said, "The seniors are going to love you. Only three of them failed." I was worried at first that my test had been too easy and the grades were somewhat inflated (I'm not completely sure that they are not.) I looked at how much they did though, and it drove me crazy, but I stayed on their backs until they did their work. It seems like the people who failed were those who did not do work. When we got to the tenth grade, she said "Yes!" and told me that more of the 10th graders did worse. I know she was teasing, but I'm glad that I won't have to do the grades at the end in her class again.
7th period: Read 003 from Poetry180. I think the "Mad Lib Poetry" was a good way to sneak in a grammar review; however, the class really needed an example before trying to create a poem. I got some really interesting found poems. Also, Marci wants my portfolio to have students creating more poetry (instead 1 of 5 kinds, she wants 3 of 5 kinds), summarizing author info and submitting sources, and giving lots of support for the reader response. On a slightly different note, I handled the Ashleigh infraction notice badly by not speaking to her before she had to go to the A.P. and she was pretty ticked off with me when she returned from the meeting. I guess I would have been angry as well. I only talked with Ankit because he asked about his grade on Friday before we got out for Spring Break. For the future, I need to make sure that the infraction notice does not come as a surprise to my students. Later in the day, she came and talked to me and she left not as angry as during class.
4th period: Read 003 from Poetry180. Chauntielle's having a rough day; she said her house was broken into last night and she didn't feel safe sleeping. They did the gas price article and created two found poems, and we talked about poetry portfolio and plagiarism. For homework, I gave them the plagiarism worksheet.
April 13, 2007
Today I had one of the experiences that make up for not being paid (at all now). Elizabeth looked at me after I gave her report card and said quietly. "Ms. Owen, will you stay the rest of the year?" "What?" I asked. "I've done so much better because I understand what's going on and you grade our papers. I really don't want you to leave." I know that when I think about my first class, it really won't be next year's class -- it'll be these kids.
1st period: We are still not able to discuss plagiarism. Next class, we'll complete the internet sampler. The students were WONDERFUL for Prof. Abdalla. They loved him and loved the show and tell. I'm so glad that I got him to come. I also gave him a Barnes and Noble gift card of $25 that I paid for myself. I really loved having people come in to show my students how much I think of them.
7th period: Read 004 from Poetry180. We discussed plagiarism, completed the worksheet, and I gave back the report cards during their worksheet (at 9:42). They were working quietly and asked if they could get them back. Class ends at 9:52. Marci came in at 9:46 or so, and she asked if I had given back their report cards. I said "Yes" and she replies, "I don't do that until the end of class." I replied, "Do you want me to take them up and hand them out again?" "No" and she walks out again. The students looked at her like she'd gone crazy. She later tells me, "They won't work after you hand out the grades or they want grade sheets, etc." The funny part of this I kept to myself. Today, the students kept working and only one asked for a grade sheet - at the end of class. Maybe it's all in how they are treated...
5th period: We had a pep rally for spirit week. Marci said not to start anything new. I wound up talking to the student I thought had been dipping in class. I told him that I was disappointed that he lied and I didn't appreciate it; however, I thought he'd learned his lesson. He replied "Yes, and Ms. Owen, I will NEVER do that in your class again. I got so sick by the time I got to the truck." That particular day, Marci had told me she thought it was gum (I disagreed) but it's her class. I was glad I didn't have to write him up, but I'm really glad that he learned his lesson. I think the students really respect me.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Spring Break Reflection on Non-Reflection
Today is the halfway point of my spring break, and I'm sitting at my computer wondering why I did not try to reflect upon each day after each day occurred. I'm reminding myself that I was trying not to go crazy without my CT while I graded papers I hadn't assigned, entered grades into the computer alone, and planned by myself for classes that I'd never planned to teach alone.
These reasons would be enough for most people, and by most people, I think that I mean people who are not suffering from mild-forms of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I know that you are not supposed to self-diagnose, but I feel that I'm justified in this diagnosis.
Also, I'm inside today on the computer as opposed to being outside in the sun (or clouds today) reading Romantic poetry for my next unit. I chose this location as I've gotten a nice tan-burn for the last couple of days, which were definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful (thanks Taylor Mali!). My kids should also love the fact that I'm wearing sunglasses all the time because of the white outline where my glasses were on my face. I can hear them now, "Ms. Owen, what'd you do for spring break??!!"
I'm trying to plan as if Marci isn't going to be back next week, and this Silk Road project has gotten me a little confused. I feel better about 12th grade and even public speaking isn't too bad; however, I'm really not sure about the Silk Road. I guess I'll try to make the web quest for the advanced class into a more user-friendly version for my non-advanced class.
Now I'm going to go complain that our air conditioner won't be turned on until April 15. For those of us living in sunburn heat, we want some AC! :)
These reasons would be enough for most people, and by most people, I think that I mean people who are not suffering from mild-forms of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I know that you are not supposed to self-diagnose, but I feel that I'm justified in this diagnosis.
Also, I'm inside today on the computer as opposed to being outside in the sun (or clouds today) reading Romantic poetry for my next unit. I chose this location as I've gotten a nice tan-burn for the last couple of days, which were definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful (thanks Taylor Mali!). My kids should also love the fact that I'm wearing sunglasses all the time because of the white outline where my glasses were on my face. I can hear them now, "Ms. Owen, what'd you do for spring break??!!"
I'm trying to plan as if Marci isn't going to be back next week, and this Silk Road project has gotten me a little confused. I feel better about 12th grade and even public speaking isn't too bad; however, I'm really not sure about the Silk Road. I guess I'll try to make the web quest for the advanced class into a more user-friendly version for my non-advanced class.
Now I'm going to go complain that our air conditioner won't be turned on until April 15. For those of us living in sunburn heat, we want some AC! :)
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Time of My Life
While I realize that reflection is one of the four important areas of W&M's conceptual framework, this week I decided that sometimes reflection has to take a more global time-frame as opposed to a daily one. As one can imagine, this entry will cover the last week of March (26th-30th).
Firstly, it is important to note that March 30th was the end of the third quarter, the last day before Spring Break, the end of my first five weeks, and theoretically my last day without my cooperating teacher, Marci.
Secondly, as a result of all the previously stated reasons, I have graded more papers, written more tests, and entered more grades than ever before during this week.
Thirdly, it is Saturday, March 31, and I have been successful. My tests were completed, graded, and entered into GradeQuick as well as all other assignments, which I had in my possession. Also important to note, I am still breathing. At times during the week, I seriously wondered. Katie and I were at Grafton over forty hours in 4 days. I have learned some important lessons, and I know now, without a doubt, that I am ready to teach in my own classroom. To use a cliche from Dirty Dancing and Green Day, I am having the time of my life.
Important Lessons Learned (this week):
1. For multiple choice tests in the same class, only make enough copies for the largest class, and let them share. There are fewer papers for me to find places for them to live, and I save a tree or two.
2. Do not put ScanTron forms anywhere near the edge of the desk (especially if students are not writing on the test). I didn't know what else to do about the ScanTron that I couldn't find (because I know the student turned it in), so I simply gave her all possible points on the multiple-choice section.
3. Assign point values for essays in such a way that the point value reflects more accurately students' knowledge. For instance on my Gulliver's Travels essay, I gave a 50 point essay, and I gave students' 10 points for simply writing which adventure they would go on and only 10 points for correctly identifying information on that place.
4. I need to remember that if students are familiar with information on multiple-choice questions (or even short answer or essays), it simply will not take them as long to finish the test. I should consider adding more questions.
5. I also need to include more higher level questions on my tests to be more in line with Bloom's Taxonomy and with Marci's tests.
6. It is important to be consistent with all students and with all directions I give. This week, I have problems with students' plagiarizing their outside reading. When I have my own class next year, I need to consider that students will look at SparkNotes or Wikipedia and try to find a way to show them that while I don't mind that they use them as references, I don't want them to cut and paste or cut and paste and change synonyms. Right now, I think that telling them to write a bibliography of everything that they look at would be a good idea.
7. I need to have firm rules about late work and stick to them. I was much more lenient this quarter than a) I should have been and b) I believe Marci would have been. I did this for two reasons: 1) I was not completely sure she would not let them turn in work late and 2) I'm still learning too, and I didn't want them to be penalized for something that is my fault.
8. Enter grades into GradeQuick as soon as they are graded, so I don't have a mammoth amount of work at the end of the quarter.
9. Even though teachers do not make a lot of money, I will never be as underpaid as I am now; however, I am getting paid by seeing that in my own way I am making a difference in my students' lives.
10. My final reflection for today is one that has culminated throughout the course of the five weeks but really impacted me this week in particular: Not much in life feels as good as believing that you have done a good job and that you have helped your students learn. When I got home on Friday, I took a nap (serious lack of sleep this week), and I dreamed about helping my students in class. I saw the looks on their faces that I have been seeing for the last week and half which is Ms. Owen believes in me, and I can do this. I have finally let myself be myself (or rather still the teacher myself but the one who can be humorous in class and still work, work, work while all the time caring about my students). My students drop by after school just to say hi. They invite me to their games, and they ask me how my day is going. I'm glad for a week off of getting up early and grading papers, but I know that I'll miss their bright faces. And, yes, I'm so excited that I would actually get paid for this one day because I'm loving doing it for free.
I also have to include Colleen's work of art from the seminar this week"What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali. I'm still weepy when I think about what it means.
Firstly, it is important to note that March 30th was the end of the third quarter, the last day before Spring Break, the end of my first five weeks, and theoretically my last day without my cooperating teacher, Marci.
Secondly, as a result of all the previously stated reasons, I have graded more papers, written more tests, and entered more grades than ever before during this week.
Thirdly, it is Saturday, March 31, and I have been successful. My tests were completed, graded, and entered into GradeQuick as well as all other assignments, which I had in my possession. Also important to note, I am still breathing. At times during the week, I seriously wondered. Katie and I were at Grafton over forty hours in 4 days. I have learned some important lessons, and I know now, without a doubt, that I am ready to teach in my own classroom. To use a cliche from Dirty Dancing and Green Day, I am having the time of my life.
Important Lessons Learned (this week):
1. For multiple choice tests in the same class, only make enough copies for the largest class, and let them share. There are fewer papers for me to find places for them to live, and I save a tree or two.
2. Do not put ScanTron forms anywhere near the edge of the desk (especially if students are not writing on the test). I didn't know what else to do about the ScanTron that I couldn't find (because I know the student turned it in), so I simply gave her all possible points on the multiple-choice section.
3. Assign point values for essays in such a way that the point value reflects more accurately students' knowledge. For instance on my Gulliver's Travels essay, I gave a 50 point essay, and I gave students' 10 points for simply writing which adventure they would go on and only 10 points for correctly identifying information on that place.
4. I need to remember that if students are familiar with information on multiple-choice questions (or even short answer or essays), it simply will not take them as long to finish the test. I should consider adding more questions.
5. I also need to include more higher level questions on my tests to be more in line with Bloom's Taxonomy and with Marci's tests.
6. It is important to be consistent with all students and with all directions I give. This week, I have problems with students' plagiarizing their outside reading. When I have my own class next year, I need to consider that students will look at SparkNotes or Wikipedia and try to find a way to show them that while I don't mind that they use them as references, I don't want them to cut and paste or cut and paste and change synonyms. Right now, I think that telling them to write a bibliography of everything that they look at would be a good idea.
7. I need to have firm rules about late work and stick to them. I was much more lenient this quarter than a) I should have been and b) I believe Marci would have been. I did this for two reasons: 1) I was not completely sure she would not let them turn in work late and 2) I'm still learning too, and I didn't want them to be penalized for something that is my fault.
8. Enter grades into GradeQuick as soon as they are graded, so I don't have a mammoth amount of work at the end of the quarter.
9. Even though teachers do not make a lot of money, I will never be as underpaid as I am now; however, I am getting paid by seeing that in my own way I am making a difference in my students' lives.
10. My final reflection for today is one that has culminated throughout the course of the five weeks but really impacted me this week in particular: Not much in life feels as good as believing that you have done a good job and that you have helped your students learn. When I got home on Friday, I took a nap (serious lack of sleep this week), and I dreamed about helping my students in class. I saw the looks on their faces that I have been seeing for the last week and half which is Ms. Owen believes in me, and I can do this. I have finally let myself be myself (or rather still the teacher myself but the one who can be humorous in class and still work, work, work while all the time caring about my students). My students drop by after school just to say hi. They invite me to their games, and they ask me how my day is going. I'm glad for a week off of getting up early and grading papers, but I know that I'll miss their bright faces. And, yes, I'm so excited that I would actually get paid for this one day because I'm loving doing it for free.
I also have to include Colleen's work of art from the seminar this week"What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali. I'm still weepy when I think about what it means.
He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.
Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.
"I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"
And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.
You want to know what I make?
I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.
I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.
I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.
I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.
You want to know what I make?
I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).
Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a *gosh-darn* difference! What about you?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
A Week In Review
This weekend I am in the thick of writing tests and planning reviews and trying to find time to grade.
I had a really good day on Friday. During my public speaking class, we watched clips from A Few Good Men to illustrate ethos, pathos, nomos, and logos (Aristotle's persuasive appeals). Then, the students and I worked together to come up with a body of knowledge for the test I have now written.
I taught "A Modest Proposal" to my seventh period, and it was amazing. I was so enthusiastic in class that I was able to keep my students engaged for the period. It went much better than my other two classes.
Fourth period was already ahead of the other two classes, so we explored some "fake journalism" for the first half of the period. The rest of the class I let my students have an English study hall since almost one-fourth of my class was a school field trip and I had a few others missing. I was a little nervous about that but I didn't want to start anything new since next week is spring break. They got more than fifth period or seventh will get since next Friday is a half-day before break and I'll show a movie.
It really makes me happy to see that my students are seeing me as their teacher and respect me. A couple of them commented to me that they appreciate my organization. It makes me really feel good about the fact that I work so hard.
I had a really good day on Friday. During my public speaking class, we watched clips from A Few Good Men to illustrate ethos, pathos, nomos, and logos (Aristotle's persuasive appeals). Then, the students and I worked together to come up with a body of knowledge for the test I have now written.
I taught "A Modest Proposal" to my seventh period, and it was amazing. I was so enthusiastic in class that I was able to keep my students engaged for the period. It went much better than my other two classes.
Fourth period was already ahead of the other two classes, so we explored some "fake journalism" for the first half of the period. The rest of the class I let my students have an English study hall since almost one-fourth of my class was a school field trip and I had a few others missing. I was a little nervous about that but I didn't want to start anything new since next week is spring break. They got more than fifth period or seventh will get since next Friday is a half-day before break and I'll show a movie.
It really makes me happy to see that my students are seeing me as their teacher and respect me. A couple of them commented to me that they appreciate my organization. It makes me really feel good about the fact that I work so hard.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Springtime and A New Beginning
Today is the first day of spring. Since it is the solstice, one may balance an egg on its end. And, yes, I did try this and it worked -- I've even got pictures to prove it. Yay, for working across the hall from the chemistry department :)
Today is also Marci's last day until she returns from Texas. I don't envy her this time off because it sure will not be a vacation. This afternoon was a completely different one from yesterday. My day went well, and I am feeling confident that I will be able to continue the instruction (all of it) in a way that is similar to Marci's. I also got a call from Gloucester this afternoon. When I called back, no one answered so I will return the call tomorrow. My roommate, Rae, also thinks the house situation is ready for next year. There's a room if I want it, but she's got two other roommates if not. I'm really feeling happy right now.
My second observation went well. Mrs. Flowe only got to see a journal entry again. For her next observation, I need to try to get something else to open class with, so that she can see a variety of instruction from me.
Spirit masks went well for my tenth grade. Sean, Adam, and I had a "disagreement" about the accompanying writing assignment. They don't particularly like writing, but I calmly expressed my idea of its importance and told them they were welcome to write the same sentence over and over again. They were like, "okay...but will that get me a bad grade?" I replied, "Well, do you think you deserve the same grade as someone who really does well with the assignment -- A does mean excellence." Adam wrote a page, and Sean went to sleep. I'm not happy, but at least one of them wrote. It will be interesting to see the chemistry of the class when Marci isn't there.
Twelfth grade went well. I'm hoping they will enjoy the webquest tomorrow and Thursday. I need to start working on my tests -- I need to do three this weekend. Whew. I can do this though. And now back to the grading.
Today is also Marci's last day until she returns from Texas. I don't envy her this time off because it sure will not be a vacation. This afternoon was a completely different one from yesterday. My day went well, and I am feeling confident that I will be able to continue the instruction (all of it) in a way that is similar to Marci's. I also got a call from Gloucester this afternoon. When I called back, no one answered so I will return the call tomorrow. My roommate, Rae, also thinks the house situation is ready for next year. There's a room if I want it, but she's got two other roommates if not. I'm really feeling happy right now.
My second observation went well. Mrs. Flowe only got to see a journal entry again. For her next observation, I need to try to get something else to open class with, so that she can see a variety of instruction from me.
Spirit masks went well for my tenth grade. Sean, Adam, and I had a "disagreement" about the accompanying writing assignment. They don't particularly like writing, but I calmly expressed my idea of its importance and told them they were welcome to write the same sentence over and over again. They were like, "okay...but will that get me a bad grade?" I replied, "Well, do you think you deserve the same grade as someone who really does well with the assignment -- A does mean excellence." Adam wrote a page, and Sean went to sleep. I'm not happy, but at least one of them wrote. It will be interesting to see the chemistry of the class when Marci isn't there.
Twelfth grade went well. I'm hoping they will enjoy the webquest tomorrow and Thursday. I need to start working on my tests -- I need to do three this weekend. Whew. I can do this though. And now back to the grading.
Monday, March 19, 2007
OvErWhElMeD
Today was the first day I have actually cried at Grafton, and now it feels pretty dumb. Right now, I'm listening to "The Luckiest" and I really should listen more to the sentiments of the song. Marci trusts me enough to leave all of her classes in my hands to do tests, grades, computer, etc. Katie keeps me sane, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. I think that I'm so emotional because Marci's situation takes me back to when Daddy died, and I know that I don't want to screw up these kids, whom I really love in class. They've really accepted me. I need to work on my classroom management with tenth grade. I need to create lesson plans and make them up-to-date. Drew saw me at the Rec today and said the Gloucester people were talking about me, and that did make my day. I was also a little bummed when the gossip around Grafton is that they will not be replacing Kristin. I mean, I can't say that I am surprised by that but still. My second observation is tomorrow, and I'm not really worried about it. I know that I need to start working on my tests for next week, but I will get there eventually. I can hear Mama say it, "Keep on keepin' on, Julie."
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Thinking Thursday
Today was the first official day of my third week of student teaching. I am still alive, still excited about teaching, and still sleepy. Today was also my first observation by Mrs. Flowe. It was an even day, so I had some time to collect myself during first block -- public speaking people are interesting. Then, we finished the video of Gulliver's Travels in seventh period. Mrs. Flowe came a little earlier than I expected her to come, so I was able to easily introduce her to fourth period when they came in. In seventh, we finished the video with five minutes to spare, and I had not planned on doing anything beside the video, so the class helped me rearrange for the next class. I hope she doesn't think that I do that every day. (Note to self: I need to come up with some additional (fun) five minute activities for that in the future.)
My fourth period was amazing today. They really seemed to enjoy the journal entry: What do you see as the greatest problem in the world today? Include 3 reasons why what you chose is a problem as well as why it's the greatest problem. Also, write what the solution would be to this problem. Most of them followed my instructions and wrote at least one page. What I had planned for 5 minutes took 15 minutes and they were still writing. I was so proud of them. Amanda asked to share the problems, which I hadn't planned on doing, but I was so excited that they were excited that we did that as well. I could have extended that activity as well. She also really liked the illustrating Gulliver's adventures with mind mapping. Her group's poster was amazing. I can't wait to post it on the wall like I did with my tenth graders' fliers! I forgot to finish the movie for them today, so I'll do it on Monday.
I had one of those moments today that Mama talks about with regard to teaching -- the ones that make up for the lack of money. As seventh period was ending, I was talking to Elizabeth and Sara about the school of ed, and they asked me where I wanted to teach. I told them I'd like to stay at Grafton, and Sara sincerely looked at me and said, "I really hope you do stay here. You're great." I smiled and said, "Thank you." I don't think she knows how much she made my day. At the end of the day, I was working on the computer when Rob came in. I felt like a real teacher when he said, "Hi, Ms. Owen. I was just dropping off my excuse with Mrs. Felder when I saw you working and I wanted to come say hi." We talked about books that he was interested in reading, and he seemed to excited to talk about them and he's going to bring them in because I haven't seen them before.
After school, we had another basketball practice for student/faculty. It was a lot of fun! I'm really enjoying becoming friends with the other teachers -- Laura, Jamie, Drew, Angela, Holly and especially Adrienne are really cool people. I could definitely see myself working with them.
When Marci and I were talking about absences, we started to talk about another student who'd been missing some classes. Marci's wondering if the student could be pregnant since she keeps getting sick in the morning. My heart immediately caught. I knew that this was a distinct possibility with teaching 140 students, but I was like, "She's so young." I know that I'm not that much older than my students, but I see them as my kids. Thinking about school and trying to graduate is so much and then contemplating having a child?? It kind of makes me wonder if our abstinence only sex-ed is really hurting our children...
Yesterday, I think Greg lied to me, which really hurt. Now, I feel like I can't trust him completely and that makes me sad. I want to tell him that I know about the dip in class, but what if I am wrong? Oh, teaching is so much more than just content or management or interactions with students and colleagues. It's all the intricate connections or disconnections with everything and anything.
All I can say about today is that it was much better than my Monday when I had to write up Seb. I really wanted to be able to call Daddy and tell him that I finally get it when he used to say, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." on one of the few occasions that he had to give me a spanking. The more experiences I have teaching, the more that I wish I could tell him.
Well, I have written my four versions of the tenth grade quiz, I need to do more grades.
My fourth period was amazing today. They really seemed to enjoy the journal entry: What do you see as the greatest problem in the world today? Include 3 reasons why what you chose is a problem as well as why it's the greatest problem. Also, write what the solution would be to this problem. Most of them followed my instructions and wrote at least one page. What I had planned for 5 minutes took 15 minutes and they were still writing. I was so proud of them. Amanda asked to share the problems, which I hadn't planned on doing, but I was so excited that they were excited that we did that as well. I could have extended that activity as well. She also really liked the illustrating Gulliver's adventures with mind mapping. Her group's poster was amazing. I can't wait to post it on the wall like I did with my tenth graders' fliers! I forgot to finish the movie for them today, so I'll do it on Monday.
I had one of those moments today that Mama talks about with regard to teaching -- the ones that make up for the lack of money. As seventh period was ending, I was talking to Elizabeth and Sara about the school of ed, and they asked me where I wanted to teach. I told them I'd like to stay at Grafton, and Sara sincerely looked at me and said, "I really hope you do stay here. You're great." I smiled and said, "Thank you." I don't think she knows how much she made my day. At the end of the day, I was working on the computer when Rob came in. I felt like a real teacher when he said, "Hi, Ms. Owen. I was just dropping off my excuse with Mrs. Felder when I saw you working and I wanted to come say hi." We talked about books that he was interested in reading, and he seemed to excited to talk about them and he's going to bring them in because I haven't seen them before.
After school, we had another basketball practice for student/faculty. It was a lot of fun! I'm really enjoying becoming friends with the other teachers -- Laura, Jamie, Drew, Angela, Holly and especially Adrienne are really cool people. I could definitely see myself working with them.
When Marci and I were talking about absences, we started to talk about another student who'd been missing some classes. Marci's wondering if the student could be pregnant since she keeps getting sick in the morning. My heart immediately caught. I knew that this was a distinct possibility with teaching 140 students, but I was like, "She's so young." I know that I'm not that much older than my students, but I see them as my kids. Thinking about school and trying to graduate is so much and then contemplating having a child?? It kind of makes me wonder if our abstinence only sex-ed is really hurting our children...
Yesterday, I think Greg lied to me, which really hurt. Now, I feel like I can't trust him completely and that makes me sad. I want to tell him that I know about the dip in class, but what if I am wrong? Oh, teaching is so much more than just content or management or interactions with students and colleagues. It's all the intricate connections or disconnections with everything and anything.
All I can say about today is that it was much better than my Monday when I had to write up Seb. I really wanted to be able to call Daddy and tell him that I finally get it when he used to say, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." on one of the few occasions that he had to give me a spanking. The more experiences I have teaching, the more that I wish I could tell him.
Well, I have written my four versions of the tenth grade quiz, I need to do more grades.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Catharsis
First, off. My web quest prodcution went extremely well. I really had to restrain myself my running up to Sheryl during class and giving her hug when she said it was "incredible." I thought it was good, which was enough for me, but to have a prof that I respect tell me that it was "incredible" and refer to it telling others to check it out was so exciting!!!
Can it really be February 26? Or more specifically February 26, 2007? It seems unnatural that the day after tomorrow I will be teaching full-time. Wasn't I supposed to feel older?
Looking over my previous posts, I think that I failed in making my blog be just about teaching. Or maybe I succeeding in proving that teaching is not just a 7am-2:30pm job but a way of living. Either way, here goes.
Yesterday, I went home for the afternoon for the first time this semester. I can say it was a trip that I wished I hadn't had to make because it was for my friend's funeral. I used to say I didn't hate anything, but I'm pretty sure that I do in fact hate cancer. Each time that I hear someone talk about cancer, I go back to Julie, age 15, learning that her daddy has cancer or taking care of him or realizing that at age 17, my daddy wouldn't be coming home with us from the hospital. Or, I go back to losing my cousin's wife, who could be labeled feelings-wise more appropriately as my big sister. Vicky, a beam of sunshine with a grin just as infectious as Daddy's or Terry's, was diagnosed less than a year ago in July. Vicky who died before the spring came again.
I thought about a lot of things on the way home yesterday. Ever the English major, the word "catharsis" came to mind. What if I got diagnosed like Vicky did and heard that I would have less than a year to live. What would I do? One thing that came to mind was reconciling the relationships that have ended badly.
I started with my "divorced" ex-best friend/ex. We saw each other twice yesterday - once at the funeral and never spoke a word. I spent five years with the guy, and I couldn't even tell him hello. I knew that as angry and hurt (read: resentful) as i was I had to remain safe -- text messages. When it went well, I figured it was a good time to start with James. This one was harder. He really hurt me. It feels empowering to be able to say that and not cry or not want to claw out his present-girlfriend's eyes out. I finally was able to reclaim all of "our" music. I told him that I wished them and his son well. And the best part was that I meant it. Two down, skipping the two little ones that didn't mean anything (read: rebound) and never caused me hurt, left me with Dave...
Is it really a break when it's really just a compromise? I'm not sure. I'm tired of being strong and invested in a relationship that the other person is not invested in. If I'm going to be strong alone, I will be strong alone. As cliche as the Kenny Rogers song is "I can't make [him] love me." And it just made me frustrated and powerless to try. Fight the fights that you have a chance (any miniscule chance) at winning. I can't fight this fight alone. I texted him that I'm ready to give him the break-up that he wanted. I haven't heard from him yet, although I did see him earlier today walking with a girl (read: friend girl? or something more? I don't know), and I wasn't angry. I was listening to the song "Seasons of Love" from Rent, and it made me smile. So far, each of my "big three" relationships have been seasons of love. Each with its own intensity and vibrance, as well as ending. And one day I'll find someone who will be able to love the me that I love and together the two of us will make "me" into "we." Sappy, I know, but it's part of my catharsis.
Can it really be February 26? Or more specifically February 26, 2007? It seems unnatural that the day after tomorrow I will be teaching full-time. Wasn't I supposed to feel older?
Looking over my previous posts, I think that I failed in making my blog be just about teaching. Or maybe I succeeding in proving that teaching is not just a 7am-2:30pm job but a way of living. Either way, here goes.
Yesterday, I went home for the afternoon for the first time this semester. I can say it was a trip that I wished I hadn't had to make because it was for my friend's funeral. I used to say I didn't hate anything, but I'm pretty sure that I do in fact hate cancer. Each time that I hear someone talk about cancer, I go back to Julie, age 15, learning that her daddy has cancer or taking care of him or realizing that at age 17, my daddy wouldn't be coming home with us from the hospital. Or, I go back to losing my cousin's wife, who could be labeled feelings-wise more appropriately as my big sister. Vicky, a beam of sunshine with a grin just as infectious as Daddy's or Terry's, was diagnosed less than a year ago in July. Vicky who died before the spring came again.
I thought about a lot of things on the way home yesterday. Ever the English major, the word "catharsis" came to mind. What if I got diagnosed like Vicky did and heard that I would have less than a year to live. What would I do? One thing that came to mind was reconciling the relationships that have ended badly.
I started with my "divorced" ex-best friend/ex. We saw each other twice yesterday - once at the funeral and never spoke a word. I spent five years with the guy, and I couldn't even tell him hello. I knew that as angry and hurt (read: resentful) as i was I had to remain safe -- text messages. When it went well, I figured it was a good time to start with James. This one was harder. He really hurt me. It feels empowering to be able to say that and not cry or not want to claw out his present-girlfriend's eyes out. I finally was able to reclaim all of "our" music. I told him that I wished them and his son well. And the best part was that I meant it. Two down, skipping the two little ones that didn't mean anything (read: rebound) and never caused me hurt, left me with Dave...
Is it really a break when it's really just a compromise? I'm not sure. I'm tired of being strong and invested in a relationship that the other person is not invested in. If I'm going to be strong alone, I will be strong alone. As cliche as the Kenny Rogers song is "I can't make [him] love me." And it just made me frustrated and powerless to try. Fight the fights that you have a chance (any miniscule chance) at winning. I can't fight this fight alone. I texted him that I'm ready to give him the break-up that he wanted. I haven't heard from him yet, although I did see him earlier today walking with a girl (read: friend girl? or something more? I don't know), and I wasn't angry. I was listening to the song "Seasons of Love" from Rent, and it made me smile. So far, each of my "big three" relationships have been seasons of love. Each with its own intensity and vibrance, as well as ending. And one day I'll find someone who will be able to love the me that I love and together the two of us will make "me" into "we." Sappy, I know, but it's part of my catharsis.
Monday, February 19, 2007
No Man Is an Island, but Women Student Teachers Are
This week, I disagree with "No man is an island" or let's just say it doesn't apply to women. I feel like an island today. It's 9pm, and in 31 minutes, I'll be late for my bedtime. That's right. 9:30pm is not most college seniors bedtimes, but it is mine. In less than a week and a half, I'll start full-time student teaching, which means that I'll feel even less like a student than I already do. As it currently is, I have to schedule time with my friends -- and Friday and Saturday nights simply don't hold enough hours.
I feel like I've compromised a lot for student teaching already without losing more friends, but I guess I can't blame losing Dave on it, I just tell people that in the hopes that they won't ask what's really wrong with me. The truth is I'm not sure what's really wrong with me. So what if I want a long term relationship? Am I such an awful person? What if I'm precise? There are lots of perfectly happy obsessive-compulsive people in the world. Is there a sign on my back that says "Rebound here. She's a doormat."? Obviously, this is just venting; however, being the "STRONG" person that I am sometimes I'm forced into venting to my computer. At least it doesn't talk back -- except through my conscience.
The worst part of this situation is that it's simply my fault. I chose to graduate in 3 years. I chose to do my student teaching as an undergrad. I chose to begin having fun this year -- I think. Maybe not sure on the last one -- maybe having fun found me last year. Either way. I'm not losing any more sleep about it tonight. I'm either going to sleep or going to talk to my friends. Sweet dreams.
I feel like I've compromised a lot for student teaching already without losing more friends, but I guess I can't blame losing Dave on it, I just tell people that in the hopes that they won't ask what's really wrong with me. The truth is I'm not sure what's really wrong with me. So what if I want a long term relationship? Am I such an awful person? What if I'm precise? There are lots of perfectly happy obsessive-compulsive people in the world. Is there a sign on my back that says "Rebound here. She's a doormat."? Obviously, this is just venting; however, being the "STRONG" person that I am sometimes I'm forced into venting to my computer. At least it doesn't talk back -- except through my conscience.
The worst part of this situation is that it's simply my fault. I chose to graduate in 3 years. I chose to do my student teaching as an undergrad. I chose to begin having fun this year -- I think. Maybe not sure on the last one -- maybe having fun found me last year. Either way. I'm not losing any more sleep about it tonight. I'm either going to sleep or going to talk to my friends. Sweet dreams.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Introduction
Today, in my instructional technology class, I decided I have a story to tell. Maybe it won't be a very interesting one, but it will still be my story. In less than four short weeks, I will officially begin my teaching journey beginning my teaching assignment with three sections of English 12 and one section of English 10.
I will prepare four units. For British literature, one will be on satire from the Restoration, and one will be on poetry from the Romantic and Victorian periods. For world literature, one will be on Africa (and I will be teaching Achebe's Things Fall Apart), and one will be on Persia.
Last week, I felt that my life could be a section of Things Fall Apart. I was completely overwhelmed with unit planning, classwork, going to my school, working at my other job - Intramural Supervisor for Rec Sports, going to my sorority recruitment (Phi Mu), and trying to handle the fact that my boyfriend and I are going through different times in our lives and both facing difficult roads ahead. To be trite, I was overwork, underpaid, not appreciated -- and I couldn't handle it anymore. Any normal person would quit some of these activities, but it's important to note at this point that I am not normal -- but I do have a story.
I will tell you my story as accurately as I can - in the hopes that my experiences will help you along your journey. I'll leave you with my metaphor for teaching and life from my favorite poet, Robert Frost.
I will prepare four units. For British literature, one will be on satire from the Restoration, and one will be on poetry from the Romantic and Victorian periods. For world literature, one will be on Africa (and I will be teaching Achebe's Things Fall Apart), and one will be on Persia.
Last week, I felt that my life could be a section of Things Fall Apart. I was completely overwhelmed with unit planning, classwork, going to my school, working at my other job - Intramural Supervisor for Rec Sports, going to my sorority recruitment (Phi Mu), and trying to handle the fact that my boyfriend and I are going through different times in our lives and both facing difficult roads ahead. To be trite, I was overwork, underpaid, not appreciated -- and I couldn't handle it anymore. Any normal person would quit some of these activities, but it's important to note at this point that I am not normal -- but I do have a story.
I will tell you my story as accurately as I can - in the hopes that my experiences will help you along your journey. I'll leave you with my metaphor for teaching and life from my favorite poet, Robert Frost.
| TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, | |
| And sorry I could not travel both | |
| And be one traveler, long I stood | |
| And looked down one as far as I could | |
| To where it bent in the undergrowth; | 5 |
| Then took the other, as just as fair, | |
| And having perhaps the better claim, | |
| Because it was grassy and wanted wear; | |
| Though as for that the passing there | |
| Had worn them really about the same, | 10 |
| And both that morning equally lay | |
| In leaves no step had trodden black. | |
| Oh, I kept the first for another day! | |
| Yet knowing how way leads on to way, | |
| I doubted if I should ever come back. | 15 |
| I shall be telling this with a sigh | |
| Somewhere ages and ages hence: | |
| Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— | |
| I took the one less traveled by, | |
| And that has made all the difference. |
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