Contemplating Life after W&M

April 16, 2007

What began as a peaceful, yet energetic, day for me will no doubt be one of those days, I remember forever. My mom could tell me what she was doing the day JFK died or the day the Challenger exploded. I can tell you that I was the 6th grade computer classroom the day of the Columbine shootings, and I was in 10th grade biology when the WTC towers were struck, and I was student teaching in Room 221 when fourth period ended and eating lunch when I found about the tragedy at VT. Words cannot describe the thoughts going through my mind when I saw "Massacre at VT" scrolling on CNN. From numerous high school friends, an ex-boyfriend, and a cousin at VT, as well as my Dad an alum, I've always felt like a Baby Hokie. During planning in the afternoon, I watched as CNN told us more and felt that Tech was my school - not just a basketball rival in Blacksburg. Today I was especially glad that I didn't have a 6th period class. I spent some time worrying about my cousin and friends. I was glad my cell phone was in the car because I didn't want to know if I had bad news or not. When I got to the car, I saw my Mom called twice and my roommate and my best friend from home. I really did not want to return the calls because I was afraid of hearing news I didn't want to hear. Finally, almost back to the dorm, I returned the call to Mama and she told me she'd gotten in touch with my cousin, April, and she was okay. I spent the evening sympathizing with VT students.

7th period: The Internet is unavailable at Grafton, so Marci and I have the students read "The Base Stealer" as an opening poem. We got through all slides except "sonnet" information, but it was somewhat quicker than it needed to be.

4th period: Pace was slower, which caused faster writers to get off topic more, but the slower writers needed the information. My quiz will be Friday for 4th period and next Monday for 5th and 7th period because Friday is an activity period for 7th period.

Today was a faculty meeting about general information (student placements, tragedy at VT, Marzano strategies with mind mapping - which I really love, SOL dates, scheduling, etc.). Marci and I planned for 10th grade afterward. They'll have a research paper due before June 1. She only wants it to be 2-4 pages. While I believe that sounds good for grading 25 of them, I really think that is going to hurt the students because 2-4 pages is nothing. I really feel like I'm not in a place to say that though because I'll be gone before they are due.

April 17, 2007

Today, for some reason, I had an "off" day. I know my students did not see a difference, but I just felt off. I'm not sure if it's anxiety because of my anger about what happened at Tech or it's worrying about my observation tomorrow by Principal Guy, but either way, I'm ready for the weekend. I love teaching, but today on the way home, I wondered whether I'm cut out for this job or not. I miss spending evenings with my friends goofing out and not doing homework. Instead, I'm trying to sleep because I'm always so exhausted or I'm grading papers. This, I realize, is not always the case, but it's the kind of day I've had. I love my kids so much, and I would like to have them all again next year, but I find myself counting down until the end of student teaching. I don't want to wish my life away. I don't. I really want to teach next year at Grafton. I want it so much that I can taste it. I think this is why I'm considering if I'm cut out for teaching or not. I know I'm a good teacher, but I don't see myself anywhere else except Grafton right now. And the thought that I might not get the job - what I've worked for - scares the heck out of me. I knew I was getting into college as an UG. I could see the numbers - colleges would want me. I knew I'd get into graduate school. I don't know about this job. I know that I'll get something, and wherever I get is obviously where God wants me to be. Normally, that's enough for me, but now that push is coming to shove, I'm scared. No wonder I'm tired.

1st period: Some of my tenth graders are very immature. They seem to be stuck in the "only thinking about me" phase. I could really see a difference between mature and immature today during the channel 1 portion about VT. I took students to the computer lab, and Filamentality's website was down, so I had to copy sampler by hand to give to students.

7th period: Somewhat subdued due to yesterday's shooting at VT. Kris and T.J. M. asked me to turn on the press conference. I'm glad we were doing the webquest, so the students could multi-task and see it. Most of the students got 3/4 of the way through Romantic Art, so they'll be able to finish tomorrow. I've gotten good questions thus far on the webquest. I love how comfortable my students are with technology, and I'm also proud of them for the maturity and concern they've shown about the tragedy at VT.

5th period: Webquest went VERY WELL! Students worked all period (even the ones that normally sleep through class). I explained portfolios briefly. I'll explain more Thursday about it. I've had to use World Book and Wikipedia for articles about romanticism and romantic music because two of my websites are blocked from student logins.