I feel officially done with student teaching though I am only unofficially finished. On Monday, May 7, I had my final evaluation with my cooperating teacher and my university supervisor. I received very positive comments from both, which was uplifting for me.
On Wednesday, May 9, I was observed by the head of the English department, and thus I taught my last complete lesson that day. The observation and follow-up went well. I was able to schedule an interview with the principal and the department head for next Thursday.
Yesterday, May 11, Katie, Joe, and I went to the beach for a lovely day off to celebrate the end of student teaching. Today, May 12, we're having a get-together/shin-dig/barbecue to celebrate with our fellow student teachers and our friends.
I almost don't know what to do with myself not having any papers to grade or lesson plans to create. Not that I want more. But now, I've got time to think, and that's probably not good. But I need this time to think.
It makes me sad when I look back at the last year and almost two months. These thoughts are not regrets. The decisions that I've made have made me the independent woman that I am, and I do like myself. I wish I had been less naive though. I'd never considered myself a naive person (I guess that should have been my first clue), but in retrospect I see very clearly that I was.
In thinking about this time of my life, as I explained to Joe yesterday, I said, "I took a sabbatical from my close relationship with Jesus." That does make me regretful. I know that I've been forgiven for it, yet the consequences don't stop. I think that as I move to another stage of my life, though, I've learned many lessons that will help make different decisions for the future.
1. There are worse things that being single. Yes, I would like to be with someone; however, I need to find the right man to be with. Unfortunately, I've fallen in love with guys who were not right for me, or in one specific case, I allowed myself to find comfort in someone who was not right for me and whom I was not in love with.
2. I need to be open to the man who is right for me and not dwell in the past so much. The guys I have dated before either do not love me anymore or do not want to be with me anymore. Until then, I have a wonderful family and friends to spend time with. Next year, I will have students to shower my love and attention on.
3. I need to realize that even though I still care about the guys that I have dated, I don't need to always have updates on them. I need to move on, and they do as well. Yes, they have lied to me, and I've lied to myself.
4. I need to truly forgive the people I've not. Resentment only hurts me, and I don't deserve that.
5. I need to forgive myself for not having the perfect plan and having it already worked out. I am a fun person, and I've become an energetic teacher, and in my own way, I've made a difference to the students this year. I have a lot of room for improvement as well and I need time to become an even better teacher for my students before I have to reevaluate priorities.
Writing for me is a cathartic act. When I started this post, I felt down and slightly depressed. There is no reason for that. I've had real reasons to be depressed for. This is a happy time in my life. My college graduation is one week and one day away. Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and my Mama is happy and healthy and always so wonderful to me. One week and six days is my 21st birthday, and two weeks from today, I'll get to spend time with my best friends from home. And most importantly, my relationship with Jesus is back. He's stayed with me so much throughout all of the trials of my life and all of my bad decisions.
My journey of teaching has brought me many places that I never saw coming -- already and the full-time has not even started. I began the semester as a college student, and I've finished it as an adult - as a teacher. Where will the future take me?
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